Horses, Gestalt and Grief
Grief is a process that just about every human experiences at some point in life. While it can be debilitatingly painful for many, there is light somewhere at the end of the tunnel, and horses and Gestalt can help. July marked the four year anniversary of my dad’s passing. He was not only my hero, but a role model for countless others, as well. While I had extensive training and experience coaching grief, I had never experienced the loss of someone so important in my own personal life. I was so grateful for my education in coaching and Equine Gestalt, and even more so for my amazing horses for helping me get through that time; and I am honored to get to share some of my experiences and awarenesses here now.
While my dad was older when he passed away, it was still unexpected and sudden. At first, my grief was an eerie emptiness. Even though the sun was shining, I felt as though I was wrapped in a dark blanket. I was tempted to distract myself—hello, denial—and struggled with facing the truth that I wouldn’t be able to just pick up the phone and call the man who had been there for me since I was born. Despite the temptation to be distracted from my pain, I knew that I had to look the new reality in the face in order to process my grief in a healthy way.
In the days that followed, I found myself feeling like I needed to be “okay.” My father was loved by so many people and his passing was heartbreaking for many. I noticed myself trying to “be strong” and “hold it together,” as if my composure would somehow make others feel better. It may have seemed like it worked in the moment, but behind closed doors, the wheels still fell off. I turned to the horses to help me feel what I needed to feel and say what needed to be said. Their unwavering presence and support helped me process one of the most difficult times in my life. Grief is hard. Raw. Beyond uncomfortable. We often don’t know what to say, and that’s okay. Take the hugs. Listen to the stories. And cry the tears because they’re going to come out anyway, whether it’s in the moment, in five minutes, or in 20 years.
A client came to me six weeks after the death of a parent. Feeling the confusion and anger that follows in the wake of death, she felt so lost. She questioned herself and her personal life decisions, and turned to me and my horse partners for guidance. The horses held space for her as she processed all of her feelings, leaving nothing out. They supported her as she dug deeper into herself on her search for healing, compassion and truth. The client was able to say the things that were left unsaid between her and her loved one. Together, we dove deep into her personal values and purpose, leaving no stone unturned. Through this work, she realized that she was never “off track.” Rather, she gained clarity and reassurance that even though she had experienced a devastating loss, she was still the same person at her core. The client was empowered to move forward with her goals and dreams, holding her loved one’s memory close.
While it’s never easy to lose a loved one, horses and Gestalt can help bring peace to the grief process. Whether it’s a recent loss or from decades ago, the horses and I can help. Click here to learn more about how the horses and I can help you through your own grieving process—it’s free!
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